so as my first post here i want to share a couple things. to begin, i do not capitalize anything except for effect. i do not care much for grammar; i prefer to use words in a way that i see fit to maximize my self expression. also, i do not really have anything important to say. i've got nothing. i may regurgitate something that another blogger posted about and comment on it. and that's all this blog really is. a moment to moment commentary on whatever i find interesting at the present time. and believe me, that changes quickly. that being said, i probably dont have to tell you my general interests as they are tagged and you searched for one of them and landed here. good for you.
i've been reading tons of material on diet, lifestyle, general health, nutrition, etc. since i mostly follow a paleo-ish diet, i tend to read many things that support these ideas. but not exclusively. i'll read pretty much anything on these subjects; dont care how much science is involved. so dont take me as being all one-sided and trying to convince myself or anyone else of anything. i dont care enough to try that hard.
i think my favorite blogger right now is J Stanton. the guy is brilliant. he has a way of bringing clarity to the extremely complex topic of health and the human body that is unmatched in my opinion. and i'm really not sure how to comment on his writing style. to me, he sounds confident and makes very clear his side of things, but he does it without sounding dogmatic. anyway, you really should visit his site, extremely informative.
i read a ton of blogs. mostly on diet, fitness, evolution, some philosophy. and i always sorta wanted to start my own but i (and i maintain this) dont really have anything to say. i like to make the short comments probably best suited for twitter, but i'd rather not be all restricted. so if i read something and feel i need to comment on it, and i've already commented to the author, i can just write about it here. i suppose that a journal would serve the same purpose. anyway, maybe through this, i'll find my voice.
experiments. i've gotten away from "sure things", "calculated risks", and "safe bets". that's all dice to the craps game of a perpetual loser. and i like dice. but i dont like restriction(as i've said before). so like with this first post, i just said to myself, "fuck it. i'm just going to start writing and let the chips fall where they may!" (what's with all the gambling metaphors)
so they landed here? chips? not healthy. but neither is wondering "what if" while shoveling snow or waiting tables or working in a retail store. middle management is the bane of 30 somethings. doomed to a revolving door of bosses, policies, long hours, and asshole customers, i find myself looking out for something more. but i've always sought more. not so much in a "life" sense. but in a me sense. i've always sought more of myself. can i withstand this situation a little longer? can i run just one more mile?can i get up from being knocked down time and time again? these questions ramble about in my skull nonstop. not that i view life, or my life in particular as one of abject darkness. i dont. i do see struggle as beneficial as long as it's end is at least in sight. i never used to believe in hope until i realized that hope isn't anything more than a really long rope that you can only hang on to with one hand. that's it. there isn't any more implied desperation in a belief in hope other than what already exists in the nature of being its opposite. so as long as you can hope that you will succeed, prevail, win, withstand, or whatever, you can dig up the energy and courage or whatever tools you need to accomplish those goals. and it does all lie in setting tangible, real, and completely ordinary goals. goals are the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel" that to most signify hope. i believe this is incorrect. hope is the feeling that drives one to persevere. that's it. at the end of the rope of hope (stupid, didn't really intend to rhyme) is the goal, the light.
maybe i'm over-thinking things. i dont know. but without something real and ordinary to latch onto i think we just drift in life. i used to just drift, and all my goals were something stupid and intangible like, "enlightenment" or some other idiotic waste of time.
enlightenment a "waste of time" (yep, i love quotations and asides) you ask? most i think would deem enlightenment a lofty goal, worth anyone's time. everyone would think that except for the enlightened and those that are not enlightened but realize this and do not seek to attain it. so am i mocking this search? no. i am simply stating that kensho, samadhi, enlightenment or whatever word you would use to describe this ultimate state, is not something that can be pursued. it's too elusive. you try to reach out and it slips away. you try to grasp it and it is gone. better yet to just refine the skill of discerning the truth-moment by moment and impartially. and i'm not the first to write on this nor will i be the last and i for sure will not even be well read. but it's still worth stating.
good night
